Puerto Rico Re-mix Day 3

Day 3! Today was a more trying day. We had a strong start this morning and were very determined to finish. As the day worn on, we encountered some problems and our rhythm was thrown. I had a few difficult moments and was really discouraged. But, we pushed through and crafted our attack plan for tomorrow.

I’m now two days without talking to Shana. I’m a little lost. My heart is not sure where it is. I miss her. I still feel some hurt from our conversation on Sunday. I know there was truth, but truth can hurt. I realize more each day that I have a worth problem. To be honest, I struggle with worth in the world’s eyes, with my musical ability, with my Father, with my abilities as a man, with Shana, with me in general as a person. I feel second string. Good enough to get by, but hollowed out inside. I don’t want to live this way. I’ve given up so many times today. How do I live like more than a conquerer? 

Some interesting events today. Papo, our friend helping at the church, has the greatest hiccup in the world! Bimbo cookies (breakfast!), the rain, clouds moving through the hills, wonderful food, seeing the lighthouse, the beach, the warmth of the Caribbean, the vastness of God, watching the border patrol boats and helicopter, Glynn Rogers, I’m tired and my pants are wet, Telemundo, the parking lot sign (intelligence!). This has been a fun trip!

Ready to Learn

I had a chance to hang out with a guy from our church today. What a great time I had! I’m one of these crazy people that is really shy, so sometimes it’s hard for me to get out there and hang out with people. The sad reality is, that’s a big part of my profession. But, today was a really great time. I have so much to learn and to be honest I learned a lot today. There are days that I get way ahead of myself and trade intelligence for inexperience. But this guy has been through some tough situations and is really a great example. He’s a great worker and a great manager. There are some really important lessons I need to learn here. He also appears to be a great father and husband, and those are some things I am rapidly approaching. So, if you read this, you know who you are and I appreciate you more than you know. You really inspired me a lot today!

At the end of the day.

Been a long day.

We talked tonight in our Bible study about worshipping God in spirit and in truth. The main push or I guess title of it all was What God wants Most for You. Funny to me what God wants. We talked about how honestly God is truly the only one who can think of Himself for what He is. Now granted it is late, so take your time digesting these thoughts, because they make my brain hurt. So God is really stuck on Himself, but He wouldn’t be God if He wasn’t. Because our finite minds are incapable of honestly grasping God they way He grasps Himself. A simple test… think about eternity. Think about how long it is and that there will be no end. Thoughts like that confirm the idea of Brain Freeze without eating anything cold. But the crazy flipside of all this, is not only is God the only one capable of thinking of Himself properly, He desires to be a worthy God for you. Now God is in no way subservient to man, but His desire is that of noble intention. This blows me away. I mean He is my rescuer and redeemer and He wants to be worthy God?

God not only desires for Himself to be a worthy God, but He also desires things out of us. God does not want extravagant praises or for us to become something we are not. God wants authenticity. God wants us to be real, and be the people He created us to be. To worship in Spirit, is for us to be alive on the inside. Living the life God intended for us through the Holy Spirit. To worship in truth is not to be hollow in our conversation, but to be authentically living out what we say. These are simple yet complicated answers to an interesting passage in Scripture.

I ask this in closing tonight. Please be in prayer for me if you can this week!