We wrestle everyday. I know I talked about struggle last time and I know that this blog and the last seem down. But we wrestle everyday. We most wrestle ourselves and what is going on. Whether we are to be happy or sad. Content or discontent. To celebrate or to mourn. To fail or to succeed. To be honest or to lie. I hate wrestling. I mean, I’m not really talking about the fake stuff on tv and yes I know they are athletes and no I’m not into that. But I hate wrestling myself. I don’t want to deal with myself. I hate disappointment. I hate people trying to catalogue me and analyze me because they want to control. I hate some things about me I’ve become and I desperately want to change. I hate feeling successful only to find defeat. I hate people classifying me with a problem when they have the same problem themselves. (most of this stuff is just dumping out, b/c it’s late).
I do love generosity. I have been honestly touched by amazing generosity today and none of it did I deserve. Someone blessed me and Shana tremendously with a check of an amount that was just absurd and I don’t know how to handle that. I’m still in honest shock by it. And then there’s the troubled tale of Shana’s car. And the amazing Corey Robinson who has done so much above and beyond anything I can believe. He has basically kept that thing going. And then there is the amazing story of our people at church. We have seen amazing and honest life change and it is so cool. To see people come from where they were and to where they are now and what God means in their life is utterly astounding!
My biggest fear is that the cynic in me is rearing its ugly head. I’m becoming someone I am not while turning into someone I am supposed to be. I’m sorry my blog is a more sad tone, but my heart is in many places. If you think about, pray for me today.
Posted by justinbiggs 