Does their ever come a point where you are just tired of hearing someone whine? Well, I’m tired of hearing someone whine and that person is myself. The funny thing is, I know my personality and its tendencies better now than ever, yet I’m still as hard on myself as I always am. I realize David perhaps was a “whiner” as well. David didn’t even last till the 3rd Psalm to begin his rant. Right now, I feel as though I’m in my 3rd Psalm. There is quite a bit of pressure floating around lately and the consistent question that races through my mind is this, Am I going to be able to make it through it all? And not just make it, but am I ever going to feel like I have my head above water to breath? I don’t want to sound dramatic (course, my personality type lends itself to dramatic phrases) but it seems and apparently is impossible. Some things around me have just lost their color, life seems to have begun to lose its feel in that it just doesn’t feel “real” anymore. I suck, I mean just plain out suck, at balance. My highs can be so high and yet my lows reach so low. Everyone seems to have a general consensus that it really doesn’t get easier. I don’t know that I want easier, but maybe I ask for to much when I ask for better. There are many joys in my life, but the wash of the rest of life sometimes just washes me out.
I hope if you read or anyone reads this that they don’t find discouragement. Perhaps this is a vain attempt for encouragement for myself. Mostly, I just want to be honest. I’m running hard as I can toward God, but that doesn’t feel hard enough. I cry out to Him and sometimes it doesn’t feel as if He’s there or if He even might be listening. But how beautiful the lyric by Ginny Owens…
“So when the whole world turns against me, and I’m all by myself. And I can’t hear you answer my cries for help. I’ll remember the suffering that Your love put You through. And I will walk through the darkness… if You want me to.”
Posted by justinbiggs 